when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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