she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
