i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just forgot I was standing up.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
