So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you would pick up someone in the library
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
