You're so nebulous sometimes
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you had me at cake vodka
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
