well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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