I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
