he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
