i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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