I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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