from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
