did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
