then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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