Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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