I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
