You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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