So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
