Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
