she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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