So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
