No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
