I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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