guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
why do cheetos always look like penises
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
