3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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