The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
