When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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