tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He felt like a one man threesome
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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