I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
