i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
