I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
