Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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