She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
