I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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