3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
