can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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