You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
