I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
