she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
