sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
