just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's official drugs can't kill me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
