But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
