If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
