butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
