Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
