Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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