I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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