I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
