is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
