There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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