She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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