3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
