Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
